change

Something has to change.....something about me, or them, but something needs to change...and Its hard to make that change, to go in a complete opposite direction of the direction you were going in.....sigh...

One Night With A King...

Father of Esther: [in Esther's memories] Happy birthday, Hadassah! 
Young Esther: [looking at her gift] A stone ball? 
Father of Esther: [laughing] Remember it is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the honor of kings to seek it out. 
Mother Of Esther: [as Hadassah open the stone ball and sees the necklace] It's from the promise land. Your great grandmother brought it with her. 
Father of Esther: And like you, it's true treasure is etched with in. 
[holding the necklace to the candle as the stars appear] 

Smile....

I hurt....but I'm strong.
I hurt...but I will fight
I hurt...but I won't give up
I hurt...but I have one person who will never turn their back on me,
I hurt...but I have one person who loves me despite my flaws.

Love

Dear Papa,

This is not what I had pictured. I know that your plan is not mine, but why paint so much pain into the picture. Can't you see my heart is smashed, that I'm tired and weary. That I love him and don't know how to feel any more. I gave my all AGAIN, I showed him that I cared, that I love him, and I feel that this is what I get when I do that.

Papa, I know that I'm not the first and certainly will not be the last to go through this, but he doesn't make sense to me, saying the sweat things he says to me and I can hear that he really meant them, but then turns around and does the complete opposite. He is so kind, Papa you know him because he is your child, you formed him.  You and I both know that he isn't a bad, heartless man.

Papa, because I can't talk to him or see him, will you please guard him? Please protect his heart, his mind, his soul. Give him peace, and love...the kind you show me. I can't bare the thought of not seeing him for eternity, so Papa will you please continue to chase after him, and when he finds you engulf him with every good essence of YOU.

 Papa, you are the God of impossible things, your love knows no limits and Grace is given freely, if we are meant to be, please show me in tangible ways, you know how to talk to me, but if not, help me to be still and know you are God.

You know my heart and you know how deeply I care for this man. I would take his place in Hell if that meant he would go to Heaven.  Please, heal both of us, protect both of us, repair our friendship, and show us your Will.

I love you Papa,
Cassie