The pathway has been worn down by my constant pacing these past few nights. My mind is reeling and doesn't seem to stop. God has seem distant when it comes to certain issues in my life, or maybe I have been so loud I can't hear God speak. Whatever the case, its not good. I pray for peace, but it doesn't seem to let up, I try to make the right choices, and they seem to keep me in one place, and I feel utterly stuck.
The medication is certainly helping with my anxiety, however it just clams me down, and sometimes puts me to sleep, but I know that when I wake up they will be there. I'm tired of running, but at the same time when I turn to face one issue, any choice I make seems to be the wrong one. I go to prayer and God seems to like to take things slow, which upsets me more and I panic more. I know He is teaching me a lesson, but frankly He needs to hurry up. Though the things He has moved on are GREATLY appreciated and powerful, I guess I just wish things could be set like some other peoples lives I know.
I seek comfort more and more with objects from my childhood which is ironic because things with family have been so twisted. My parents and I are not speaking to each other because of a big fight, school has been a stress and finding ways of how I'm going to pay, where I'm going to live day to day, money to buy food, even the stress of buying gas. Thank GOD litterly for Krista and Andy who have been more then kind to open their home up to me, but something has to be done, and everything I had tired is not working....sigh.
Speaking of Andy and Krista, I LOVE them to death! Andy has been sooo good with me staying here...lol...he just now scared the crap out of me and got his kicks for the night (the punk). And the kids, they can be a handful, and despite my tiredness and annoyance some times, I wouldn't have it any other way! THEY ARE AWESOME! love those little monsters to death!
God is good, and wants good things for his children, even if that takes a while and some hurdles to overcome, I'm learning though....right?
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